How to Stop Being A People-Pleaser
Have you ever suffered from the disease to please? I have. 🙋🏾♀️
As women, we tend to be more eager to please because we want to make everybody [else] happy, are afraid of disappointing people and “don’t want to be a burden”.
Let me tell you as a recovering people-pleaser, this behaviour is exhausting! It’s time-consuming, lowers your confidence and self-esteem and, stops you from taking a stance.
It can kill your career and stop you from living in your purpose.
Worst of all, you can end up living a life exactly the opposite of what you want.
You people-please because you want to be liked and seen as a ‘nice person’ so you go along to get along. For example:
- you agree with people even though you don’t agree with what they are saying or doing;
- you apologise for things that you know are not your fault and;
- you often do more for others than they do for you.
However instead of people liking you, they see you as a pushover and someone who is easily led.
Why? Because being a people-pleaser undermines your ability to make clear decisions. You are always trying to find the happy medium between keeping the peace and avoiding offence. This makes you indecisive. This also makes you vulnerable to being manipulated by others to get you to do what they want.
Being a people-pleaser is anything but pleasant and can have a very bad effect in all areas of your life. It can distract you from your purpose, cause you to waste your time and talents, and contribute to your general stuck-ness.
Here are some great ways to overcome being a people-pleaser:
- Be Yourself
Be honest about who you are. If you’re doing things you don’t want to do, hoping this will impress people, stop it. Pretending to be someone you are not only works against you in the long run.
People will be more attracted to your authenticity. Your imperfections are what make you special and unique. It’s okay to be You – there’s no need to justify yourself to others. Live your life with no apologies or regrets.
- Stand your ground
It’s okay to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do without feeling selfish or guilty about hurting someone else’s feelings.
Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean you dislike or are rejecting someone. It means you are setting healthy boundaries, managing expectations and maintaining good relationships – both personally and professionally.
- Choose your commitments wisely
People-pleasers almost always feel like they have to say ‘yes’ when someone asks for their help. Remember you always have the choice to say ‘no’.
Ask yourself “do I really want to help?” and if not, don’t do it. People may be disappointed because they have set expectations for you that don’t match what you are willing to do…and that’s okay. Those that love you will accept your ‘no’ and understand.
- Identify your priorities
Knowing your priorities and values helps you stay focused on what you need to do and why you are doing it. You know instinctively whether you feel comfortable saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to doing something.
A great question to ask yourself when you are not sure about doing something is: “how important is this to me?”
- Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
You don’t have to do it all or micromanage every little detail – while it may work in the short term, it doesn’t last long. It’s important to realise that doing too much can hurt a lot more than it helps sometimes. And you end up feeling resentful and overwhelmed.
When you delegate tasks to others, you have more time and energy to focus on the things that really matter to you.
As a people-pleaser, the only thoughts and feelings you can control are your own.
You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. Stop letting people take advantage of you. It’s not your responsibility to make others happy, that’s their job.
Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, who support you and accept you just the way you are.
Download our FREE Release Your Mindset Blocks Guide and discover 7 mindset blocks that keep you stuck, overwhelmed and from living the life you’re meant to live…