How do we Build Confidence?

I’ve always beaten to my own drum, but if you knew me 10 years ago, you would know confident was something I definitely was not! As I have said before, I was a people-pleaser. I did what I thought would make those around happy because I thought it would make be happy. Ummm, no!

I would look at confident people in awe, wishing I could be more like them, like they had some sort of special formula that I could only hope to have…lol.
Well, in the last 10 years I’ve discovered there’s no special formula or even a ‘special few’ who are gifted with confidence. While it’s definitely naturally easier for some of us than others, we all have it.

Confidence is a muscle we build by doing the things you know you want to…and probably scares you most.

For a long time I thought I had to wait to build up my confidence before doing the things I wanted because once I was confident enough, I would do it. Well, that time came next to never and I never did the things I really wanted to.

Then I found out the secret: competence builds confidence. All this time, I had it backwards?! In order to become confident, I actually had to do first. It goes back to the old adage: practice makes perfect. If I want to be confident in something, I need to be first competent at it.

We also need to accept that fear and failure are part of the process.
The first time we do something new, it’s uncomfortable and scary. So we need to be like Nike and “just do it”.
We need to do things that scare us and keep doing them until they are normal for us.
And we’re not always going to get it right and will fail at times. This is why it’s important to  focus on effort not the result initially. We eventually become competent when we consistently keep doing the right thing long enough.

It’s  just like the Conscious Competence Ladder I mentioned in my last blog. As we become more competent in a certain skill, it becomes second nature to us and we are more confident in it.

As we build our confidence, it is important that we keep up the momentum. Here are some ideas of things we can do:

  • Confidence journal – this is a great way to keep track of new skills and celebrate successes.
  • Set mini challenges that push us to be more confident. We can start small by doing things outside your comfort zone e.g. delivering a 5-minute presentation
  • Replacing a negative thoughts with a positive thought because when we think good, we feel good.
  • Come from a place of “YES” – we can say ‘yes’ to the things we want to do especially those things that scares us e.g. make a bucket list of fun things to do and actually do them!

our lives don’t change until we do. It’s our choice to gain the confidence we need to live our best lives!


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